Monday, April 23, 2007
There would have been no way that I would have posted this on-line for the world to see say ten years ago. First of all, I was very vain and barely put any pictures of myself in our photo albums unless I "Looked perfect". I hated looking at these photos because I didn't look good. Then God showed me how 'vain' I was and helped me to look at these pictures through His eyes. What I saw made me cry. I saw me as a mama (something I couldn't feel like for many years because of my post-partum depression) and I saw the times that I was there for my babies. I didn't look at myself anymore but I looked at me and my children together, interacting. These were memories that I do not have in my mind, but somehow managed to capture them forever in pictures. This is what I call a 'healing page' because God revealed so much to me as I was preparing this entry. He showed me how to see my blessings even though I couldn't remember them. I would never have thought that I interacted at all with my sons if I didn't have these pictures to prove it. It was as though God was directing my husband to take pictures of me and my boys so that one day I would be able to understand that my thoughts about myself during those dark days were not completely correct in my mind. He showed me the glimpses of the times I was okay to be with my children. What an awesome God we have!
Depression sometimes distorts our realities and where we lack coping skills to truly understand God comes in and reveals to us His truth. If you have pictures of yourself that you do not like, maybe ask yourself why you don't like them and just maybe you will get to the heart of what was going on in those pictures and you can see yourself through God's eyes. Ask yourself what God see's in them and then let yourself begin to heal and create by adding them to your journal.