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Saturday, May 30, 2009

Healing Journal: Prompt 4: WORKING THROUGH THE TORNADO





PROMPT: WORKING THROUGH THE TORNADO

I call this prompt "Working Through The Tornado" because that is the only way I can describe it. There was a time in my life when I was consumed with a Tornado of thoughts, emotions, images. I mean I was truly consumed by it. Along with it suicidal thoughts were coming at me from every angle. It was truly something that I would not wish upon my worst enemy.

There is so much in this prompt that I think we might come back to it every now and again. Somehow with all those things consuming me words seemed to flow out of my mind and I put the pen to paper and came up with many poems. I have no idea how I could focus enough to actual complete a poem or how my anxiety was calmed enough that I could actually write down anything. Only through God... that truly is the only way.

I share these poems with you to show you that even when you are consumed by tornados and darkness when your heart and your mind truly wants to heal it will work itself through it all and start producing steps to your healing. (Keep in mind that the poetry was not always good... I am only showing you that it was healing to write down the words).

I DECLINE

Forbid my thoughts,
do not call them real!
Their state is not authentic
but a background glance at the truth!
Factual does not always
bare resemblance
to commensence antidotes.
A maze of devices
which grasp at true emotions
are masked by perfect fantasies.
Apprehension rings loudly
once a confrontation
takes place in reality.
A spectrum of feelings
ripen within the sphere
around my golden heart.
Heightened libido gives rise
to my still floating dreams
as I walk the clouds
within my head.
No, they will not
overtake my reality!
For I have within myself
the power to decline
my thoughts,
and I will!

Kelly L. Watts

NOTE: Even when I was sick I knew that not all my thoughts were real or correct I guess. Many of them were distorted due to my depression but I was determined not to take in all my thoughts as reality! Later on (a few years later) I found a book called "Feeling Good" by David Burns and WOW was it ever helpful in determining my overall mental health and it gave great coping mechanisms. It shows how when we are in the midst of depression we often distort thoughts. There are just so many things in this book that I found helpful and I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!


HAUNTING MY MIND

Why do I see his face
in my dreams when I sleep?
Why does he always appear
when my state is so weak?
Why can't I just not think,
and never see him there
in my mind, and in my dreams
where I always catch his stare?
He is out of my life,
I thought I had let him go!
Though when he comes back in my dreams,
that is when I know.
That is when I see
he will forever haunt my mind,
and I will never let him go
or any thoughts of this kind.
He may be out of sight,
so I think he'll never be,
though when I lay down to sleep at night,
he always comes back for me.

Kelly L. Watts
(Guess what? He no longer haunts my mind! Thank you God!) I love reading some of my poems like this one because I see that my life has been very victorious when I see that the topic's of certain poetry no longer has a hold on my life!

JOURNAL PAGES
The pages I posted above were not done during the darkest part of my depression. They were done when I had a little bit of my creativity back. I know that when we are in the midst of darkness it is almost impossible to be motivated or creative. This is why my poetry was so important to me. It was the one way to be creative without having to really be creative - if that makes sense. JUST WRITE IT DOWN AND DON'T WORRY HOW IT COMES OUT, JUST GET IT OUT!
That's my motto!!!!!!

I pray that the Lord uses this prompt for you today to be able to release bits and pieces of your tornado's so that you no longer need to keep them in that little box inside your head, but you can let them go out into the world ready to be recycled into something new and beautiful! AMEN

Blessings


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2 comments:

Tammy said...

Beautiful! You've been given a gift to freely express yourself and share your story. Such honesty traveling deep into the well.

Kellys Art Journaling/ Sharing The Journey said...

Thanks Tammy. I pray that everyone receives it as well as you. You are a true blessing m'dear.