Sunday, July 26, 2009
Over on Blissfully Art Journaling (a group I belong to) there was a one word prompt this past week called "Conversation". I thought about that for awhile before beginning this project and I decided to do this prompt on the conversations that go on in my head. I find I am always talking to myself (not audibly always - lol). I started by drawing my face and hair. I like drawing my hair because it is long which means a lot of space for writing my thoughts. The thickness of my hair makes me think that I am holding secrets beneath it, maybe this is the reason for my constant need to 'brain-dump'.
After I finished drawing my face and hair I wanted to color my face... I ran out of skin color in my markers and so I chose blue to represent what was inside my brain. I look more like a member of the 'blue man' group or 'Mystique' from X-men more than anything! I chose blue because even though I know my blood is red within my body my mind (thoughts) always felt like they would be blue if I could choose a color to represent them, probably due to my struggle with depression and attributing 'blue' with sadness.
I then wrote down my conversations that I was having with myself as the day progressed in "conversation" frames. When finished I felt somewhat superficial, like I had not put my heart into the piece... so this is when I began to go a little deeper as I wrote out my thoughts into my hair. For the background I picked out conversations that I had been having with myself lately... the book "The Artist's Way" that I am on chapter 6 now... has made me think about how I have self-sabotaged myself in ways that I didn't realize. I know it is always good to continue to learn and grow from life, but this lesson was somewhat painful for me. I didn't know how far I have gone to self-sabotage myself. Ways like procrastination, being unmotivated and giving in to doing everything else but my art or my writing. I discovered I have this fear inside me, fear of succeeding... or fear of failure maybe. I am going to continue to work on it as I painfully go through the process of finishing these lessons by Julia Cameron. Who knew an art book would be so challenging emotionally???? It's a good kind of challenge though. It will clear the way for God to get in and do His work in me.