Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Within The Cross

This week I was consumed with getting the results of my MRI.  I was trying so hard to trust in the Lord but I found I didn't know what to pray for... was I supposed to pray for God to completely heal me? or was I supposed to pray that they would find something in the MRI so that I could have the surgery and would be completely healed from that???  These are the questions that were hard for me. 

In this drawing it was God leading me... I never really have a plan when I start to draw, I usually start from the middle and work my way out.  It wasn't until I was completely finished my drawing that I realized what God was doing inside of me.  I placed myself in the cross ~ and then I thought, wow, yes Lord!!!  I was giving myself permission to place myself on the Cross and realize that what Jesus did on the Cross was for ME too!  His grace, His love, His devotion to US... is sufficient for me too!  I needed to place my worries and concerns on the Cross and completely hand them over to HIM.  The words surrounding the cross are from the Psalms "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path."  I further realized (upon completing this piece) that I was talking myself into fully trusting in the Lord, to acknowledge HIM in EVERYTHING and that HE will take care of me.

So, a few days later... I call the specialist to see if the results are in... they are.  After being forwarded from one place to another I am finally at the moment of truth; "what did they find?"  and "when will my surgery be?"... these are the questions going through my mind. 

After a few moments of listening to the nurse describe the results it took me a few moments to realize that they did not find what they were looking for, only a couple of bulging discs that would not need surgery!  Much more went on in the discussion but the sum of it all was that I would not need surgery... and what did I do when I got off the phone???

I cried and I freaked out!!!!  Say what????   Yep, I was very foolish.  You see I set myself up for months thinking and preparing myself for surgery and months of recovery and then suddenly everything changed!  I hate change, I can't process change and sometimes I just need a good swift kick in the butt to realize that it's not the end of the world!!!

I should have been praising God.  I WON'T NEED SURGERY - PRAISE GOD!!!  But I was so concentrating on the pain I was suffering that I thought I knew how I was going to be fixed and that was that!!!!  God however has severely humbled me and since than has slapped my hand (figuratively speaking of coarse) and has helped me realize how very foolish I was for not trusting in Him. 

HE is MY GOD, my creator, my maker, my sustainer and my provider; HE is my healer and redeemer and my shelter and MY GOD.  HE knows me so much better than anything or person in this world will ever know me and HE certainly knows how to heal me.   

It was such a GOD THING that my son was home from school when I received the results.  He prayed with me and His words were filled with wisdom that I never could have grasped had he not been with me at that moment, he prayed "God please heal my Mom, God you are the maker of it so you know how to heal it, so we just ask that you heal it in Jesus name!"  Simple prayer really and he prayed other things but those words were like a light bulb going off in my head (TRUST IN GOD - they said to me.)  Yes God, I will trust YOU.

I will continue to see the Doctors and the Chronic Pain Clinics and the Physio for my pain, but I will trust in GOD to be the healer of my body and that He will bring me to my healing whether it be by His direct hand or through the Doctors.  Oh how I love my GOD.

I hope all of you are doing well and are finding the joy that God so richly gives.

Hugs and many blessings to you all.



Catherine... said...

Hi Kelly, am so glad that you don't need surgery. A huge relief for you and your family... :)

Carol said...

I too have to rely on God to take me through whatever befalls me. I always go to "Lean not on your own understandings,in all your ways acknowledge, trust in Him with all your heart and He will direct your path". I know that's not exact, but a paraphrase of His word. I praise God with you for His mercy.

Sandra Kaye said...

Lovely art Kelly, both this one and the tree below. I love your testimony as well...thank you for putting your life in front of us. You have no idea how your testimony moves me and I am sure others. Thank you !! Hugs

Terri Morse said...

Hi Kelly! I'm so glad you won't need surgery, but I think I know where you're coming from. It is so tempting to look for "that one thing" that will solve a problem, when the truth is that it's probably going to be a combination of things. I go through this in my own struggle for my health, i.e. high cholesterol, weight, etc. You're right, we need to trust God with the process. Often, that means discovering all of the many facets of a solution, rather than just one. I'm thinking of you, my friend. I'm glad you have the opportunity to use this time for healing. I'll be praying for you on your journey.
Hugs and blessings, Terri

Creative Mish said...

I cannot imagine what you're going through. My Mom had a bulging disc for about 30 years. On occasion it would bother her a little. Well last week that disc ruptured and I had to take her to the ER. Just seeing her pain over the last couple of weeks and the treatment she is going through I can't even imagine how you've been managing it for so long. I pray for your healing!

An'Angelia Thompson said...

It's so difficult to trust in HIS word when fear takes over. I'm so glad your results were good, Kelly. Blessings to you and yours, dear friend.