Wednesday, June 29, 2011

God Grows Me Even When I'm Sleeping

Honesty is always best right? Well, to be honest... today has not been a great day. I'm just a little bit cranky (a lot!) and irritable (a ton!) and a wee tiny bit lost (a whole bunches!)
It has been a couple days really, since I got my first rejection letter from the publisher regarding publishing the AKOA Healing Expressions Book. Apparently there are so many Art Journaling books on the market and/or are coming out very soon that there isn't a great need for my book! The Editor that emailed me also said that the "Healing" aspects of journaling is really not selling very well! Hmmmm.... okay...
God, what are you doing?
She also said that the type of book I am proposing might sell better in the self-help area. Hmmmm... okay again...
My whole purpose for this book was to help others find their healing by being inspired by the pages of other artists who found their healing in art journaling, maybe it should be a self-help book?
If you have been reading my blog from the beginning you will know my story, but for those who have not... (in short/blunt form) here it is;

Abused as a child by Grandfather, alcoholic Father, Abusive Boyfriend in high school, Stalked and raped, highly dysfunctional family, Married (couldn't trust Hubby because of my past) Father dies at 23, had first baby at 24, bedridden for 8 months of second pregnancy, second son born, he gets sick and hospitalized at 6 weeks old, and basically I have Mental Break Down. Right away I'm hospitalized in the Psych Ward for 3 Months with Post-Partum Depression. 4 years of complete memory loss and literally in my bedroom during the beginning of my depression...

7 years later... introduced to Art Journaling and the healing begins, it was a slow process but well worth it. God has done such an amazing miracle in me through His Word and through Art Journaling. The journey that He has taken me on is nothing short of pure mercy, forgiveness, letting go and most of all LOVE. There is a lot more to my story but this is just the basics to show you that I needed healing and the Lord has given me HEALING!

14 and 1/2 years later... still on medication for depression and sleep disorder, but stable and feel that I have completely healed from depression (I just have to take meds to keep me stable and I am finally okay with that).

Sure, I have Fibromyalgia, but God has brought me healing for that through my journaling too! I am not healed physically, but emotionally I am doing much better!

I believe that Art Journaling was used as a tool to my healing and continues to be used as a tool for my healing every day. I want others to find this release and I know that God wants to give that release to others too!

So that's it, in a nutshell... now God needs to show me the rest! Where to go from here...

Well, here's to life's many adventures!
Happy week to all of you ~ HAPPY LONG WEEKEND!
Hugs and many blessings



Sung-Hee (Regina) Hong said...

Hi, Kelly ! I hear you.. I read every single word on your journal and through your blog post. Sometimes... just surrendering to whatever comes.. instead of going against the tide... works the best? I'm saying this with caution (don't want to irritate you more) but what can be better than just completely surrendering and letting it flow? Then, if you just keep on doing everything you're doing, somehow things will unfold on its own :D Look at me.. I should listen to my own advice !!! Well... I hope you have a fantastic Long Weekend and release out all the stress !!! There's a new moon in July, so I'll hold my wishes for yours to come true :D

Janet said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day. The rejection on the book must be very disappointing but there must also be a reason for it. I always believe that when something happens it's for a reason. Maybe something bigger and better is waiting for you just down the road. Don't give up on your dreams.

Anita Van Hal said...

Hey Kelly! I've been reading your blog for quite a while, and don't think I've ever left a comment, but I feel I need to today...we have SO much in common besides fibromyalgia and art journaling...OMG...there is much in your history that is the same as mine...yes, there are a lot of art journal books out or coming out, but have you considered doing a Christian art journaling book and submitting it to a Christian publisher? There is not much at all in that genre...yes, there are self-help books, and Bible study books, but I don't think there is a book on art journaling used as a tool for spiritual healing...maybe you'll be able to reach a different audience that way...I wish you the very best, and pray that the Lord will use your testimony and talents to heal other broken souls...hugs!

Joanna said...

Beautiful page, Kelly. Does the publisher know what she's talking about, I wonder? I have taken part in healing through creative expression online courses and there are SO MANY women with major issues in their past (many much like yours) that want to , NEED to, heal themselves in this way.

Try another publisher, then another......try and be strong and DON'T GIVE UP!

Your past history is so shockingly awful, I am in awe of the positivity you share with others.


Kym said...

Hi Kelly.

What a lovely page you made and my gosh, what a life you have had. I am glad that you're doing better now.
This is just a thought on my part. I'm not an author by any means. What about an e-book? Could that work? I see a lot of people doing those nowadays. Whatever way you go, best wishes to you!

rachel awes said...

God does indeed grow me when i'm sleeping. what powerful words! i LOVE this art piece deeply.
& God too grows me when i'm lost & when my obstacles/redirections appear & when i'm stressed.
& so i pray for you, that
MagnificentEncouragement finds you this morning, that Inspiration for new direction for your book LightsYouUp. look & listen for it. it is Yours.
thank you for sharing your REAL path with us. such an amazing story of art & transformation.
LOVELOVE to you! xox

Mary said...

Don't give up this dream...God used and continues to use Visual Journaling as a means of revealing my heart and healing as well. I teach Visual Journaling workshops and that is where I am coming from when I do...sure you can use Visual Journaling to work through stuff, and just for creativity, but it can be so much more. Keep releasing your dream to God...he may have a different time plan.

Grace and Peace

Robin said...

Thanks for sharing the history in a post..I am new and did not know ..so thank you...youve been through a lot and your idea of the book is fabulous...So What..! about the first rejection..that is their opinion...the writer of Harry Potter was turned down many many times...so what...the book you propose would be good in either venue..healing, self help, art journaling, or art or mixed media journals...whatever it would be a great inspiration to all ...I hope you have a better day today..!

NatashaMay said...

This is the first time I heard your story and wow! I'm lost for words. I'm sorry you had to go through all of it but I'm happy for you you have found a way to heal. Do not give up on your book. No matter how many say no, it's the one YES that counts. Keep going! :)

Colleen @ MuralMaker&More said...

Aw, Kelly, I sooo understand. I wish I had some comforting words other than "I understand". People tell me how talented I am and that I should be so successful, yet it's a daily challenge. Then throw in the physical and mental stuff and whew! It can be overwhelming.

Thank goodness for blogging and dear friends like you. You're always so generous with your good thoughts. They make my day!

lilasvb said...

i know what you are talking about.
we have some common point in ur history.
art journaling is very helpfull, meditation also. i am doing both and i also journaling about meditation.
i like your post

Rebecca Anthony said...

This is the first time I heard your story as well. What a strong woman you are to have gone through such torment as a child. You are on your way my friend to a better being and Art Journaling is your forever no matter if any of it ever gets published. Keep up your journaling and look at all the entries sent to you for inspiration. Keep your chin up, so sorry you have a bad and stressful day, life sticks sometimes and then the sun comes out and somehow it burns the worries away for a while. Soak in some vitamin D and let your feelings flow through your journal. You know as personal as it all may be creating journal pages and telling your story would be intriguing and heart wrenching at the same time. Maybe your story alone is all you need and tell it through your powerful pages. They are amazing and would draw anyone in to read them especially a whole book of them with an empowering story of not only the torment but the healing process and where you are today. be strong, you are awesome and always a pleasure to speak to! Happy 4th Kelly!

Shelley Whiting said...

The picture is very haunting and mysterious. I love all the different types of fonts. Beautiful work.

Amanda Trought said...

Kelly, this is a beautiful piece, I love the idea for your book. the way I look at it when one door closes another one opens, God truely knows where he wants you to be, just keep stepping out....that publisher doesn't speak on behalf of all the publishers in the world, its just their opinion...file the letter away and then move on to the next, and the next and the next if need be..it will come when we least expect it.....its through the tests, comes the testimonies and you have lots of those, you are talented, inspiring and a blessing! Have a great weekend Amandax

ArtfulLee Designed said...

Hi Kelly
I am a big believer in the universe sending us in the direction that we are supposed to go. Have you tried HayHouse.com? They are the publishing company that Louise L Hay founded.(I mentioned her book in an earlier comment) She also has another publishing company Balboa Press where you can self publish. They would be worth a shot.
You are on the right path Kelly....
thanks for sharing your story, I had not heard it all before. You have come through so much and gained so much strength, this is just a bend in the road.

KAT ADL'S said...

Hi Kelly
I think I may have left a comment before about Fibromyalgia and what I find helpful..If not post a comment and I will give you my list for you to pick through.:-)
I am writing today because of what I just read in this post. I havnt been on the net lately as I have been in the making, doing, tidying space.
I would like to strengthen a comment I saw left by someone who suggested christian publishing.I have searched and searched previously for this type of book and are now training myself to find what I need. This is good as I am getting lots of info from everywhere and getting skilled up but it has been a long stretch. I decided that there is huge need in Christian bookstores for creative ways to journal and talk to God. There are alot of really good writing based journals but less on finding your way in visually. Sharon Soneff touches on some of this..there is room for more. Practical handbooks and other peoples stories are powerful.
I googled you today specifically as I am searching for information on starting and running an outreach Art Journaling group at my church and you are the only person I have come across who shares about this.THIS PROCESS AND WHAT YOU DO IS VERY PUBLISHABLE.I have a fine arts degree nursing qualification and creative writing experience..( telling you this is hopefully backing up my enthusiasm!) AND what you do and share is really so valuable.
I don't know what your book is about but A book that touches on what you do in outreach and gives practical starters and examples.A how to guide .I would love and I know others would too.
Dont give up ..most good Authors get a heap of rejections. The E-book suggestion was good too..or maybe self publish.

My Artful Heart said...

Hiya Kelly :-) Your artwork is truly amazing!!!! It is also amazing how God gives us artful talents like art journaling to communicate with him and to help heal through various situations- Thanks for sharing your story. I myself am dealing with depression and anxiety. I have worked on journaling for the past couple of years and it has been a help. I just have to remind myself to always come back to it when I get rotten feelings indide to help release these issues to God, who really controls them. Bless you, and looking forward to working with you on the "All Artists" book project!


Suz said...

Hey, my dear, our pasts are almost identical. I am so sorry about the book but just know it was happen some day. Hang tight and keep on praying. I will pray for you, too.