Sunday, July 18, 2010
My husband told me of a phone call he got this week... it appears that a friend of his wife took her life. She was suffering from Fibromyalgia and Depression and couldn't take it any longer. This was pretty close to home for my hubby as I also am currently suffering from fibromyalgia and have had depression for over 13 years. The Lord has walked me through depression and I have come out on the other side - thank you Lord. I fully believe that I am healed from that.
This hit me pretty close too as I can understand the emotions and thoughts, the pain and frustration that come with both of these illnesses. I could not get Debbie out of my mind this week(the lady who took her life). I tried to think back to the darkest part of my depression to understand what was happening in her mind. It seems like such a long time since I was engulfed in the darkness (once again thank You Lord).
It is hard for me to accept that a wife/mother/daughter/friend could take her life... but then I must remember that I have been there. I am so thankful that I had help from a loving husband, a very supportive Church and great friends that made sure I was taken care of. I wish I would have known of Debbie's struggles so that I could have reached out to her in some way, showing her that she was not alone.
I think of the family, the husband and children and knowing that they will never see her again makes me very sad. May the Lord's peace be with them all.
This is a poem I wrote while trying to figure out her mind;
Beat, beat, beating...
one more hour, one more day,
unaware of rain or sun
or every second ticking,
laying still in darkness,
drip, drip, dripping,
endless faucet filling,
storms crashing through terrain,
movement bringing only pain,
sending signals to the brain,
lay here staring up, staring down,
changing nothing, not a sound,
not one more second will eyes open fingers extend,
"Too dependent is what I am!"
there is nothing left to give,
to live, to breathe,
nothing left of me to love,
not clean air or sunshine,
summer rains, temperature rising,
no flying off to another place,
with lightness of feet and no disgrace,
nothing willing taking away the pain,
the loneliness or bitter shame,
always wanting never to give,
to those who wish that I should live,
but live I do, though inside dying,
smiles on outside but inside crying,
chasm empty, dark, afraid,
but calls my name again and again.
Today it ends.
Mother, daughter, wife, lover,
friend thought forever,
now... now never.
By Kelly L. Watts
The tree over the face represents the deadness of her soul... no life left. Now I think I can let go of all the thoughts that consumed me this week. That is what I love about art journaling... it is so very healing.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer. May God bless your lives richly.
Happy Creating everyone!