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Sunday, July 18, 2010

For Debbie



My husband told me of a phone call he got this week... it appears that a friend of his wife took her life. She was suffering from Fibromyalgia and Depression and couldn't take it any longer. This was pretty close to home for my hubby as I also am currently suffering from fibromyalgia and have had depression for over 13 years. The Lord has walked me through depression and I have come out on the other side - thank you Lord. I fully believe that I am healed from that.
This hit me pretty close too as I can understand the emotions and thoughts, the pain and frustration that come with both of these illnesses. I could not get Debbie out of my mind this week(the lady who took her life). I tried to think back to the darkest part of my depression to understand what was happening in her mind. It seems like such a long time since I was engulfed in the darkness (once again thank You Lord).
It is hard for me to accept that a wife/mother/daughter/friend could take her life... but then I must remember that I have been there. I am so thankful that I had help from a loving husband, a very supportive Church and great friends that made sure I was taken care of. I wish I would have known of Debbie's struggles so that I could have reached out to her in some way, showing her that she was not alone.
I think of the family, the husband and children and knowing that they will never see her again makes me very sad. May the Lord's peace be with them all.

This is a poem I wrote while trying to figure out her mind;

Beat, beat, beating...
one more hour, one more day,
unaware of rain or sun
or every second ticking,
laying still in darkness,
drip, drip, dripping,
endless faucet filling,
storms crashing through terrain,
movement bringing only pain,
sending signals to the brain,
lay here staring up, staring down,
changing nothing, not a sound,
not one more second will eyes open fingers extend,
"Too dependent is what I am!"
there is nothing left to give,
to live, to breathe,
nothing left of me to love,
not clean air or sunshine,
summer rains, temperature rising,
no flying off to another place,
with lightness of feet and no disgrace,
nothing willing taking away the pain,
the loneliness or bitter shame,
always wanting never to give,
to those who wish that I should live,
but live I do, though inside dying,
smiles on outside but inside crying,
chasm empty, dark, afraid,
but calls my name again and again.
Today it ends.

Mother, daughter, wife, lover,
friend thought forever,
now... now never.

By Kelly L. Watts

The tree over the face represents the deadness of her soul... no life left. Now I think I can let go of all the thoughts that consumed me this week. That is what I love about art journaling... it is so very healing.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer. May God bless your lives richly.
Happy Creating everyone!
Photobucket

17 comments:

Rina said...

Beautiful piece of art! love the poem.

A Dancing Mango said...

Kelly, What an astounding beautiful post. A gesture of giving to any one reading your blog may need to hear, the love in your heart, the understanding, and such a healing for you!
Gosh, life is difficult at times,
Yes, we go on smiling "as if". I understand I truly do..
hugs, Darlene xo
God is always here with each one of us.. truly depend on him and his direction. :-)

Emakesart said...

wow, how very sad. What a powerful poem and piece of art, so sad, yet so very beautiful. I'm glad you are able to create like this, to help you let this go. And so very glad that the Lord healed you of your depression. My heart goes out to her family..

Phoenix Peacock said...

What a wonderful post. I can really appreciate it - both from having Fibromyalgia and in the past depression, and also know as someone who works in mental health.
It is great to honor our questions without questioning the individual and their pain.
-
some extra hugs to you and your husband!

Rebecca Anthony said...

What sad news Kelly, I'm so sorry.... You have created a poem and an image with depth and emotion. This is what Art Journals are all about, getting your feelings down on paper. Well done and I'm so sorry about Debbie.

Amy said...

Kelly,
I have experienced a similar situation this week (ironically with a woman named Debbie). I was at her funeral today and was encouraged to hear people share their fond memories of her during the times when she was not sick. Depression is hard to understand for many people, and I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you sharing your personal journey and was especially touched by your poem.
To God alone be the glory.

Janet Ghio said...

Powerful!

Emma Grace said...

I love all of your work and just noticed your blog and how great it is!

Jeanne Nelson said...

What a beautiful way to memorialize this soul, and a great reminder of how fortunate we are. So glad you were able to move out of the darkness, Kelly. You have so much to share, and are such a beautiful soul today. Happy Creating!

Heather said...

This is so sad. I lost a friend to suicide in March, and can't stop from wondering why? This poem made me cry...the ending, especially. You did a wonderful job, and with the piece of art that accompanies it, too. Sorry for your loss.
XO
Heather

Kellys Art Journaling/ Sharing The Journey said...

Thank you everyone for all your sweet comments... you have all touched my heart in them. God bless you all. Thank God for art!!!! Can I hear an AMEN???
Hugs to you all.

NatashaMay said...

Thanks you for visiting my blog since I have found yours and it is so delithful. YOu make beautiful art. Sorry to hear about your past struggles and I'm happy for you that you have come through it.

Hands to Work, Hearts to God said...

That is really so sad and hard to understand. I'm so glad you are victorious over your depression and sickness. I like your profile picture! Patsy from
HeARTworks

Lille Diane said...

Oh dear Kelly... I'm so sorry to hear this. I, too, have been buried in deep despair & depression at times in my life & thought of suicide. I have dealt with chronic pain since my auto accident & have all the symptoms of fibromyalgia. I'm going tomorrow to be evaluated at a pain management clinic that specializes in it.

Art is what has helped me tread water, keep swimming, remember to float when I feel too tired to paddle. Your poem, your beautiful art, your spirit, and your journey is a welcome road map for so many at this time. I feel so bad when people like Debbie sink to the bottom. It's hard to see the sky when your eyes are void of light.

Thank you so much for this post. I was meant to read this. And thank you for hanging your lovely picture on my wall over at my place. Hugzzzz...

Creative Carmelina said...

Kelly...you have shared a depth of understanding that only those who have suffered, or are still currently suffering would understand. You speak of darkness engulfing..and that is so right on the mark.

Art for me is a healing. I have suffered continually for years with a mild form of depression...(which seems to be lifting).....

..and yes, art journaling and blogging certainly help this situation.

thanks so much for sharing.

ciao bella
creative carmelina

the GyPsY said...

So heartfelt. You're so strong and yet so gentle; it's lovely, your soul.
Hugs

Lynda Howells said...

l can understand, l too have the same illness and depresstion and in the past have felt the same. Poor woman. L enjoy your work and your words and hope you are okxlyndax

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