Tuesday, June 24, 2008
What does it take to open our eyes to the fact that life is precious? Each moment is a gift of time, love, peace, joy, experiences, adventures etc.
Yesterday I had a little scare that opened my eyes in a huge way. I was standing in my kitchen preparing some breakfast for myself when I began to have sharp pains from my back to my heart/chest. They were so sharp that I was dizzy and weak. They didn't last for long maybe a minute and then they would go away. Then they would come back every couple of minutes. I started to get really scared. My husband was out on the deck and he came in when I didn't answer him. The pain was so strong I couldn't speak right away. He checked to see if my eyes were dilated and if I could squeeze his hands with my hands - I could. He made me lay down on the ground hoping that would help and then he told me to put my feet up. The pains were still coming and then I started crying because I didn't know what was going on. Randy grabbed his phone and called 911. At that point I think I had an anxiety attack because my face went numb and my left hand was tingling. The firemen were the first to arrive and they basically calmed me down and took my blood pressure and asked me questions about the pain and where it was etc. The EMS arrived shortly after and they took over for the firemen. They also checked my blood pressure and my heart rate and then hooked me up to their machines placing all these sticker thingy's all around my chest and pelvic area. They too asked me many questions and in the end determined that everything was normal, my vitals were all normal, my heart was good and normal etc. They could not determine where the pains came from. After all the "excitement" I was left dizzy, weak and confused. The EMS said that I should get things checked out though not necessarily at the hospital. If it happened again I should call EMS. I was going to make an appointment to go see the doctor but I was so dizzy and weak feeling I just went on our deck and layed in the shade.
As I was lying there my mind was reeling with the thought of how I had reacted in the midst of the incident. I didn't know if I was having a heart attack or not, I truly feared that I was having one. I thought about my Dad having his heart attack when he was only 51 (as he died from his). All of a sudden my worries about my husband having a heart attack early transferred from him to me. I never thought it a possibility that I could have a heart attack, I always feared that Randy would have one and I would be left alone like my mom was. It troubled me deeply.
Then my thoughts disturbed me further because of the fear that had embedded itself into me. Why was I so afraid? If indeed I were having a heart attack the worst thing that could have happened was that I would die and be with my Father in Heaven. I never really thought that I would react with such fear facing the possibility of death ~ I always thought that I would be at peace. I prayed and asked God to forgive me for allowing this fear in. As I am His child I am no longer a slave to the fear of death. I have eternal life through Jesus so why be afraid? The Lord calmed me as I prayed and helped me to feel okay about my reaction. I realized that my fear was mostly not about me, it was about me possibly leaving my husband and boys without a mother/and wife. Then I too realized that even then that they are in the Lord's hands and He would be taking care of them too. I had nothing to fear.
This whole experience made me see that Life is precious. We need to take advantage of the time we have and not be consumed with fears and worries about the time we might not have. I pray that when God does eventually take me that I will be at complete peace knowing that God is in full control. He is a God full of grace and loving mercy ~ He takes care of all of His creations even when we are worrying about nothing!
Thanks for reading and have a blessed day!